From Elizabeth: What keeps us from having good boundaries?

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Growing up a confirmed people pleaser, boundaries were a mystery to me. I remember other people saying “no” about something, like it was no big deal… but to me, it was excruciatingly painful. A perfect storm of elements combined, that left me unable to stand up for myself with others, until I got to the extreme end of my ability to cope. And then I just got ugly.

As I’ve worked to heal my own relationship with boundaries,, and help others to do the same, I’ve noticed 4 themes that, left unaddressed, will sabotage our best boundary attempts..

  • fear of conflict
  • need for approval
  • not believing we’re worth taking care of
  • lack of clarity on what we need

Fear of Conflict

This is a huge one for so many women. We’re taught to be ‘nice’. Anger is seen as ‘bad’, strength is seen as ‘pushy’, and we’ve never been trained to handle others’ aggression when it comes at us, without capitulating to their desires. Then, to top it all off… having a lack of healthy boundaries, often draws people to us, who tend to overrun boundaries! And those people are masterful at escalating conflict and using anger to back others down.

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From Kat: What keeps us from having good boundaries?

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What keeps us from having healthy boundaries is complex and individual. Creating healthy boundaries is always an ongoing process, both personally and professionally. I grew up with fuzzy boundaries that haunted me well into my 20’s.  As an adult I’ve learned how to align my boundaries with my values. As a result, I consciously strive to have healthy boundaries and clear agreements in my life.

I have learned not to assume what other people think and feel having follow up conversations is key when agreements and boundaries need to be re-negotiated. In my post last week I shared my experience with adrenal exhaustion , which led me to re-examine all the boundaries in my life. I am just now understanding what a gift this health challenge ended up being. My own learning continues to unfold. I became more aligned and congruent, and my boundaries also became easier to navigate.

When I was first diagnosed with adrenal exhaustion, I thought I already mastered strong boundaries in my life.

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Podcast: Personal Boundaries

Personal (Internal) Boundaries. Without them, external boundaries can’t be very effective. It all starts here. But not the way you think!! It’s not about beating yourself up, or making yourself ‘follow the rules’. Listen in to today’s podcast and Kat and I share how boundaries can be an invitation to discover what you really need, and love yourself more deeply. And if you’re ready to experience a breakthrough in your boundaries, come join us for our Boundaries for Women Training and Retreat!! (Nov 2-5)

 Click Here to Listen!!

From Elizabeth: What do personal (internal) boundaries mean to me?

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What fun!! This is the first week of Kat and I blogging about boundaries. As we get ready to give our Boundaries For Women, Training and Retreat, November 2-5, we’re inviting each of you reading, to join us as we explore this powerful topic!!

I’ll begin with a little bit about me, for those of you who haven’t met me yet. ;)

To the outside world… I’m a life coach, trainer, and facilitator… single mom of 2 amazing (really!!) teenage boys… lifelong horsewomen… writer. I am passionate about growth, development, and supporting people in that process.

Life brings us gifts, both with the good and the bad. I had a very difficult time in my teens and young adulthood; sexual abuse, food addiction, anxiety/depression. Not the kind of ‘gifts’ I would wish on anyone, but it was the catalyst for my own growth, and continues to fuel my belief in our astounding ability to heal and live lives we can love.

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From Kat: What do personal boundaries mean to me?

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Since this is my first blog entry here at Journey into Being, I want to introduce myself to those of you whose paths haven’t crossed mine yet.  My name is Kat and I am a coach, trainer and human resources consultant. I am also a wife, sister, aunt and a friend. I can be very serious, yet, find myself amused by life on a daily basis.  Sometimes a little levity is all we need to get things moving. I love to laugh and think that laughter is one of the best ways to bring balance into our lives. Last month I went to Tonga and swam with the humpback whales. It was an amazing experience and I am still integrating all of the learning from it.  I am passionate about living a conscious life and believe in the power of forgiveness, love and gratitude to help us to transform almost anything in our lives.  I live near the beach about 25 miles south of San Francisco with my fabulous husband John, our three cats, and our dog.  I am grateful to be collaborating with Elizabeth and am excited about the work we are doing with Boundaries for Women!

For most of my life I was driven, had perfectionistic tendencies, and I was a people pleaser. As a child of an alcoholic I grew up learning to take care of others before putting my own needs first.  It has taken me years to learn how to feel my feelings, to learn to practice good self care strategies, and to put my needs first.

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Boundaries for Women Training & Retreat – November 2-5, 2014

September 2, 2014

Click to listen to the show: Journey into Being: Boundaries for Women

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We (Kathleen Nelson Troyer and Elizabeth Love), are excited to be hosting the first ever Journey Into Being: Boundaries for Women Training and Retreat.  This comes directly out of the work that we have been doing together for the past 2 years. We are thrilled to offer this incredible life changing and transformational experience. You are invited to retreat, adventure, and explore with us on this journey of the mind, body and spirit. This ladies-only 4 days and 3 nights event will be held in the beautiful Crystal Coast of North Carolina’s Outer Banks, which is known for its stunning wildlife, including dolphins and wild ponies.

Boundaries for Women is for women who are ready to take their personal and professional lives to the next level. Learn practical energetic tools to enhance your relationships, your work/business and your life!

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