Growing up a confirmed people pleaser, boundaries were a mystery to me. I remember other people saying “no” about something, like it was no big deal… but to me, it was excruciatingly painful. A perfect storm of elements combined, that left me unable to stand up for myself with others, until I got to the extreme end of my ability to cope. And then I just got ugly.
As I’ve worked to heal my own relationship with boundaries,, and help others to do the same, I’ve noticed 4 themes that, left unaddressed, will sabotage our best boundary attempts..
- fear of conflict
- need for approval
- not believing we’re worth taking care of
- lack of clarity on what we need
Fear of Conflict
This is a huge one for so many women. We’re taught to be ‘nice’. Anger is seen as ‘bad’, strength is seen as ‘pushy’, and we’ve never been trained to handle others’ aggression when it comes at us, without capitulating to their desires. Then, to top it all off… having a lack of healthy boundaries, often draws people to us, who tend to overrun boundaries! And those people are masterful at escalating conflict and using anger to back others down.Read More›