What’s your story? (…and why is it so important?)

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I’m not talking about the drama you’re currently going through.

Not your relationships, job, or hobby. Not the roles you play, and not the beliefs you use to define you. Not your bank account, or zip code.

Your story goes deeper.

You can find it like a gold thread that runs through your life, weaving the disparate pieces together into a beautiful pattern; one that reveals who you are underneath your circumstances, dramas, beliefs, and seasons.

Because when it comes right down to it, when you don’t know who you are, you spend a boatload of energy trying to be something else. And that’s exhausting.

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When being ‘nice’, hurts…

 

woman-with-head-in-hands.2I didn’t know how to say ‘no’.

Now, I could form the word, make the sound, and I knew what it meant, and even when to use it. But I couldn’t say it for me. It just wouldn’t come out.

It wasn’t ‘nice’.

As I child, I couldn’t say that I was unhappy at school. That I was bored. That I hated how mean the kids were to each other. That I lived in a world of my own imagination, to get away from it. It never occurred to me to say such things. They weren’t ‘nice’. It must be me who was the problem. So, instead I learned to lie. I was ‘fine’…

I didn’t know how to say ‘no’ at 12, when the 15 year old neighbor boy invited me to his house for ice cream, and started touching me in ways I didn’t want. And then took my hand and made me touch him. It wasn’t ‘nice’ to say ‘no’ and walk out. Instead, I walked home for supper that night, feeling dirty and ruined, complicit in my own violation.

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From Elizabeth: Outer Circle Boundaries…

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Being able to recognize boundary issues when they present, is a prerequisite to addressing them. Up until about 20 years ago, in our culture, it was common for women to be expected to compromise their inner circle boundaries (family/significant other/close friends), and for men to compromise their outer circle boundaries (work/business/social). And for each group, it hit on primary drivers. With women, it was safety/affirmation via relationship with home, family, and friends, and with men it was safety/affirmation via power with work, business, and social connections.

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Podcast: Inner Circle Boundaries

Join us today in this free training, as we talk about Inner Circle Boundaries (friends/family/significant others). This is where relationships soar or crumble. Learn what you can do to strengthen your relationships!

Click Here to listen to the training!! 

We  hope you will take a deeper dive into your own Inner Circle Boundaries, by allowing yourself to explore a few of the questions in this week’s blog posts and the podcast. Feel free to leave any thoughts and/or questions in the comments section below.

We invite you to join us as we take on each week’s topic. Next week we are exploring the topic of Outer Circle Boundaries (professional/social). If you are feeling the pull to join us, and to take a deeper look at your boundaries in a safe and fun environment, weencourage reserve your spot today for our

Women’s Boundaries Training & Retreat

November 2nd through 5th!  

Emerald Isle, North Carolina

This is a rare opportunity to work with both of us in a small group setting. We will be staying at the beautiful Pelican House right at the beach and we will enjoy delicious meals prepared for us. The early bird pricing is $647 or bring a friend and you both get 25% off, which is $485.00 each! Price includes accommodations, all meals, plus (weather permitting), we have some wonderful field trips planned to visit the wild ponies of Shackelford Island and a sailing cruise to connect with the wild dolphins of the area.  We are also planning on connecting with local massage therapists and bodyworkers for you to schedule a massage for yourself – optional and not included in the price of the retreat.

We’re gonna have fun and and rock our boundaries in a safe and nurturing environment supported by the natural beauty of the Crystal Coast.  Email support@journeyintobeingretreat.com and reserve your space now!!

 

From Elizabeth: Inner Circle Boundary Dance

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Boy, this is one I’ve learned the hard way! It still requires my focus and intention to stay healthy here…  and there are times I need all the support I can get.

I’ve heard it said that there are three primary motivators for people: power, safety, and affirmation. And for each of us, one of these is hardwired into who we are, as the driver.

I can’t say this is an absolute, but there is a lot of truth in that, and if I were to use that model, I would place myself firmly in the ‘affirmation’ camp.

My core wound and fear, is abandonment. My drive is harmony and relationship.

And I’m not alone by a long shot.

That’s a perfect set up for lousy boundaries with those close in our lives.

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From Elizabeth: Boundary Landscapes

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Boundaries mean different things to different people. It can get confusing to know what we mean when we talk about them.

It helps me to categorize the different types of boundaries. I’ve found that I can have good boundaries in one area, but not in another. Recognizing this… and the drivers for each area, help me to see more clearly, what’s happening.

For me, I see 2 main areas that make up the Boundary Landscape:

The first has to do with our dance directly with people:

  • Internal Boundaries (boundaries with ourselves)
  • Personal Relationship Boundaries (friends/family/significant others)
  • Professional Boundaries (working/business)

The second has to do with our dance in the world:

  • how we handle time (ours and others)
  • how we handle space (personal space, relationship space, physical space)
  • how we handle stuff (ours and others)

As you can see… this covers quite a bit of ground, and we can focus in on one area, without recognizing that other areas are causing us pain in our lives.

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