From Elizabeth: Inner Circle Boundary Dance

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Boy, this is one I’ve learned the hard way! It still requires my focus and intention to stay healthy here…  and there are times I need all the support I can get.

I’ve heard it said that there are three primary motivators for people: power, safety, and affirmation. And for each of us, one of these is hardwired into who we are, as the driver.

I can’t say this is an absolute, but there is a lot of truth in that, and if I were to use that model, I would place myself firmly in the ‘affirmation’ camp.

My core wound and fear, is abandonment. My drive is harmony and relationship.

And I’m not alone by a long shot.

That’s a perfect set up for lousy boundaries with those close in our lives.

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Podcast – Boundary Landscapes

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This week on our podcast we talk about Boundary Landscapes. We share the Boundary Landscape Model and break it down into tangible working parts. We also ask some questions to help you to notice where you are doing well with boundaries and where you might want to focus your attention with some TLC.

 

 

We  hope you will take a deeper dive into your own Boundary Landscapes by allowing yourself to explore a few of the questions in this week’s blog posts and the podcast. Feel free to leave any thoughts and/or questions in the comments section below.

 We invite you to join us as we take on each week’s topic. Next week we are exploring the topic of Personal Boundaries – with our friends, family and romantic relationships.

If you are feeling the pull to join us, and to take a deeper look at your boundaries in a safe and fun environment, weencourage reserve your spot today for our

 Women’s Boundaries Training & Retreat

November 2nd through 5th!  

Emerald Isle, North Carolina

 This is a rare opportunity to work with both of us in a small group setting. We will be staying at the beautiful Pelican House right at the beach and we will enjoy delicious meals prepared for us. The early bird pricing is $647 or bring a friend and you both get 25% off, which is $485.00 each! Price includes accommodations, all meals, plus (weather permitting), we have some wonderful field trips planned to visit the wild ponies of Shackelford Island and a sailing cruise to connect with the wild dolphins of the area.  We are also planning on connecting with local massage therapists and bodyworkers for you to schedule a massage for yourself – optional and not included in the price of the retreat.

 We’re gonna have fun and and we’re gonna rock our boundaries in a safe and nurturing environment supported by the natural beauty of the Crystal Coast.  Email support@journeyintobeingretreat.com and reserve your space now!!

 

 

From Kat: Boundary Landscapes – more context & questions

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Elizabeth and I decided to dive into the topic of Boundary Landscapes because we both work with many clients on some component of this concept.  Boundaries are the most common area where people can get tripped up in their lives. One of the things that I know for sure is that the places where we stumble, or are repeatedly challenged, are opportunities for us to grow and learn. The Boundary Landscapes are fertile ground for experiential learning.

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From Elizabeth: Boundary Landscapes

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Boundaries mean different things to different people. It can get confusing to know what we mean when we talk about them.

It helps me to categorize the different types of boundaries. I’ve found that I can have good boundaries in one area, but not in another. Recognizing this… and the drivers for each area, help me to see more clearly, what’s happening.

For me, I see 2 main areas that make up the Boundary Landscape:

The first has to do with our dance directly with people:

  • Internal Boundaries (boundaries with ourselves)
  • Personal Relationship Boundaries (friends/family/significant others)
  • Professional Boundaries (working/business)

The second has to do with our dance in the world:

  • how we handle time (ours and others)
  • how we handle space (personal space, relationship space, physical space)
  • how we handle stuff (ours and others)

As you can see… this covers quite a bit of ground, and we can focus in on one area, without recognizing that other areas are causing us pain in our lives.

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This week’s podcast: What keeps us from having good boundaries?

This week we are exploring: What keeps us from having good boundaries.  You can read Elizabeth’s post here and Kat’s post here.  Listen in on the podcast as we discuss our thoughts.

Enjoy!

We invite you to join us as we take on each week’s topic. If you are feeling the pull to join us, and to take a deeper look at your boundaries in a safe and fun environment, we encourage you to reach out to us to learn more about our training and to reserve your spot today!  This is a rare opportunity to work with both of us in a small group setting. We will be staying at the beautiful Pelican House right at the beach and we will enjoy delicious meals prepared for us. The early bird pricing is $697 and that includes accommodations, all meals, plus (weather permitting), we have some wonderful field trips planned to visit the wild ponies of Shackelford Island and a sailing cruise to connect with the wild dolphins of the area.  We are also planning on connecting with local massage therapists and bodyworkers for you to schedule a massage for yourself – optional and not included in the price of the retreat.

We’re gonna have fun and and we’re gonna rock our boundaries in a safe and nurturing environment supported by the natural beauty of the Crystal Coast.  Email support@journeyintobeingretreat.com and reserve your space now!!

From Elizabeth: What keeps us from having good boundaries?

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Growing up a confirmed people pleaser, boundaries were a mystery to me. I remember other people saying “no” about something, like it was no big deal… but to me, it was excruciatingly painful. A perfect storm of elements combined, that left me unable to stand up for myself with others, until I got to the extreme end of my ability to cope. And then I just got ugly.

As I’ve worked to heal my own relationship with boundaries,, and help others to do the same, I’ve noticed 4 themes that, left unaddressed, will sabotage our best boundary attempts..

  • fear of conflict
  • need for approval
  • not believing we’re worth taking care of
  • lack of clarity on what we need

Fear of Conflict

This is a huge one for so many women. We’re taught to be ‘nice’. Anger is seen as ‘bad’, strength is seen as ‘pushy’, and we’ve never been trained to handle others’ aggression when it comes at us, without capitulating to their desires. Then, to top it all off… having a lack of healthy boundaries, often draws people to us, who tend to overrun boundaries! And those people are masterful at escalating conflict and using anger to back others down.

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From Kat: What keeps us from having good boundaries?

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What keeps us from having healthy boundaries is complex and individual. Creating healthy boundaries is always an ongoing process, both personally and professionally. I grew up with fuzzy boundaries that haunted me well into my 20’s.  As an adult I’ve learned how to align my boundaries with my values. As a result, I consciously strive to have healthy boundaries and clear agreements in my life.

I have learned not to assume what other people think and feel having follow up conversations is key when agreements and boundaries need to be re-negotiated. In my post last week I shared my experience with adrenal exhaustion , which led me to re-examine all the boundaries in my life. I am just now understanding what a gift this health challenge ended up being. My own learning continues to unfold. I became more aligned and congruent, and my boundaries also became easier to navigate.

When I was first diagnosed with adrenal exhaustion, I thought I already mastered strong boundaries in my life.

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Podcast: Personal Boundaries

Personal (Internal) Boundaries. Without them, external boundaries can’t be very effective. It all starts here. But not the way you think!! It’s not about beating yourself up, or making yourself ‘follow the rules’. Listen in to today’s podcast and Kat and I share how boundaries can be an invitation to discover what you really need, and love yourself more deeply. And if you’re ready to experience a breakthrough in your boundaries, come join us for our Boundaries for Women Training and Retreat!! (Nov 2-5)

 Click Here to Listen!!

From Elizabeth: What do personal (internal) boundaries mean to me?

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What fun!! This is the first week of Kat and I blogging about boundaries. As we get ready to give our Boundaries For Women, Training and Retreat, November 2-5, we’re inviting each of you reading, to join us as we explore this powerful topic!!

I’ll begin with a little bit about me, for those of you who haven’t met me yet. ;)

To the outside world… I’m a life coach, trainer, and facilitator… single mom of 2 amazing (really!!) teenage boys… lifelong horsewomen… writer. I am passionate about growth, development, and supporting people in that process.

Life brings us gifts, both with the good and the bad. I had a very difficult time in my teens and young adulthood; sexual abuse, food addiction, anxiety/depression. Not the kind of ‘gifts’ I would wish on anyone, but it was the catalyst for my own growth, and continues to fuel my belief in our astounding ability to heal and live lives we can love.

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From Kat: What do personal boundaries mean to me?

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Since this is my first blog entry here at Journey into Being, I want to introduce myself to those of you whose paths haven’t crossed mine yet.  My name is Kat and I am a coach, trainer and human resources consultant. I am also a wife, sister, aunt and a friend. I can be very serious, yet, find myself amused by life on a daily basis.  Sometimes a little levity is all we need to get things moving. I love to laugh and think that laughter is one of the best ways to bring balance into our lives. Last month I went to Tonga and swam with the humpback whales. It was an amazing experience and I am still integrating all of the learning from it.  I am passionate about living a conscious life and believe in the power of forgiveness, love and gratitude to help us to transform almost anything in our lives.  I live near the beach about 25 miles south of San Francisco with my fabulous husband John, our three cats, and our dog.  I am grateful to be collaborating with Elizabeth and am excited about the work we are doing with Boundaries for Women!

For most of my life I was driven, had perfectionistic tendencies, and I was a people pleaser. As a child of an alcoholic I grew up learning to take care of others before putting my own needs first.  It has taken me years to learn how to feel my feelings, to learn to practice good self care strategies, and to put my needs first.

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